Headquarters of the Spirituality While Alive Taskforce (SWAT)
A prayer before sleep
Grant us, O One In Charge, that while our bodies and computer rest from the labors of the day
and as our RAM, caches, and souls are released from the thoughts of this world,
we may stand in Thy presence with tranquility and quietness in this evening hour.
Amen.
— an excerpt from Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer
On the day’s first access to the Internet
O Lord, bless the Internet to our use,
and us to your service;
make us grateful for the blessings of broadband access,
and mindful of the computing needs of others.
Amen.
— an excerpt from Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer
Saint Michael, Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness
and snares of the Hackers.
May The One In Charge rebuke them, we humbly pray;
And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host,
by the power of The One In Charge,
thrust into hell N. [state name of the operating system you despise]
and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of computer users.
Amen.
— an excerpt from Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer
Hail, holy 2 TB storage drive, mother of mercy,
Hail keeper of our life’s work, our sweetest digital files,
and our hope of a promotion.
To thee do we cry, poor banished children of
incessant computer crashes;
to thee do we send up our sighs,
mourning and weeping in this
valley of infected and corrupted files.
Turn, then, most gracious defender,
thine repository of mercy toward us;
and after this, our exile,
show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, our files:
O clement, O loving, O sweet 2 TB drive.
Pray for us, O perfect external drive,
That we may be made worthy of thy promises of safety.
Amen.
— an excerpt from Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer
Prayers for the installation of software
Dear One,
Be present at this installation
Be here and everywhere adored.
Thy operating systems bless
and grant that this computer and this software
May live in harmony with Thee.
Amen.
— an excerpt from Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer
Upon the Dedication of a UPS
O One In Charge, today we dedicate this UPS.
May it be a constant reminder of your unfailing love for us.
And as through it You provide us assurance
of ceaseless power for our tech equipment,
make us worthy to offer Thee
ceaseless praise and thanksgiving without interruption.
Amen.
— an excerpt from Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer
Wedding bells! What joy! The wedding was splendid! It is much too long to put in a blog post. Here’s the ceremony.
For a Sick USB Drive or Smart Card
Heavenly One In Charge, watch with us over this USB drive, and grant that it may be restored to that perfect health which it is yours alone to give.
Amen.
— an excerpt from Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer
A System Administrator’s Prayer for Wellbeing
May all users on this network be happy,
may they be healthy,
may they be comfortable and never miserable.
May the system updates come down in the proper time,
may the throughput be plenty,
may the user forum be free from war,
may the database be secure.
Amen.
— an excerpt from Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer
The Technology Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is a flame war, let me sow love,
Where there is injury to a file, pardon,
Where there is doubt as to system compatibility, faith,
Where there is despair of disk recovery, hope,
Where there is darkness of the blue screen of death, the booting light of a splash screen,
Where there is sadness of software no longer being supported, joy of discovering open source software.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be be consoled with a new workstation as to console others,
not so much to be understood when I’ve lost the critical project files, as to understand when others lose the documents I need because they failed to back them up,
not so much to be loved for allowing everyone access to the fastest 600 DPI printer in the office, as to love the 150 DPI documents others give me to sign as legal documents;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in sending dying computers to be recycled that we awaken to the reality of eternal life.
Amen.
— an excerpt for Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer