Headquarters of the Spirituality While Alive Taskforce (SWAT)
Praise is good for the soul. It’s one of the best defraggers besides confession.
2.3 Te Deum
You are The One In Charge:
we praise you;
You are The One In Charge
of Cloud Computing:
we acclaim you;
You are the eternal one:
All applications worship
you.
To you all RSS feeds, all the
powers of search engines,
Google and Bing, sing in
endless praise:
Holy, holy, holy! The One In
Charge of PHP and Java.
Amen.
— from The Book of Uncommon Prayer
I was meditating this evening on Psalm 41. It reminds me of the hard work computer and network technicians do in their ministries.
Blessed is the one who considers the poor!
In the day of trouble The One In Charge delivers him;
The One In Charge protects him and keeps him alive;
he is called blessed in the land;
you do not give him up to the will of his enemies.
The One In Charge sustains him on his sickbed;
in his illness you restore him to full health.
As for me, I said, “O One In Charge, be gracious to me;
heal me, for I have sinned against you!”
Just as The One In Charge considers those who are poor and in trouble, you computer techs do the same thing for the hapless or unfortunate computer user. You restore those computers and networks to full health. Yes, even when the computer or network users have sinned against commonly accepted safe-computing practices.
Why, it sounds like something right out of The Book of Uncommon Prayer:
My brother (or sister), every Technician is called to follow information technology practices, serving The One In Charge, through the power of the spirit of innovation. The One In Charge now calls you to a special ministry of servanthood directly under your supervisor. In the name of The One In Charge, you are to serve all computers and networks, particularly the poor, the weak, the sick, and the lonely.
As a Technician in your community, you are to study the holy manuals, to seek nourishment from technical journals, magazines, and blogs, and to model your life upon them. You are to make The Exemplar of Love known, by your word and deed, to those among whom you live and work.
You are to interpret to your community the needs, hopes,
and concerns of cutting edge technology.
You are to assist your supervisor in the execution and dissemination of technical releases from The One In Charge, and you are to carry out other duties assigned to you from time to time. At all times, your life and teaching are to show people that in serving the technologically needy they are serving The One In Charge.
Kind of tugs at your heart, doesn’t it?
Photo by Aleera
Dear Sistertech,
I’m a new sysadmin for [company name redacted]. This is my first time conducting major updates across our network. What’s worse is that we’re also changing the operating system to [name of OS redacted]. I can’t get any sleep! I’ve never been so nervous in my life. I’m not sure what to do to get my mojo back.
Please help!
Anxious in Albany
Dear Anxious,
This is indeed a potentially terrifying time in the life of both the network and the system administrator. Sistertech implores you to take three deep breaths. For some reason one deep breath is never enough. Here is a prayer that should help.
Grant me, O One In Charge, not to be anxious about earthly things, especially about new program updates and operating system changes. Help me now, even as I face these momentous choices, to make those choices that will avert the cascading failure of my computer and the entire network.
Amen.
from The Book of Uncommon Prayer, p. 153.
Yours faithfully in service to The One In Charge,
Sistertech
PS: If you need a more specific prayer, simply contact Tom the Intern at: tomtheintern@sistertech.com.
.16 For Relief from Anxiety
Grant me, O One In Charge, not to be anxious about earthly things, especially about new program updates and operating system changes. Help me now, even as I face these momentous choices, to make those choices that will avert the cascading failure of my computer and the entire network.
Amen.
For those tech devices traveling on Labor Day:
O One In Charge, whose glory fills the whole creation, and whose presence we find wherever we go:Preserve those devices that are traveling. Surround them with your loving care; protect them from every danger; and bring them in safety to their journey’s end. Take care of their owners, too.
Amen.
from The Book of Uncommon Prayer, p. 144
Photo: “Alone” by Giorgio Montersino
A morning tune from The Book of Uncommon Prayer:
Laptop has started like the first bootup,
Lapwing has spoken like the first Tweet.
Praise for the Tweeting! Praise for the Friending!
Praise for them springing fresh from the Web!
Tweet the day’s new posts straight from
my own blog,
Like the first email of the new day.
Praise for the content Google gives to me
sprung in completeness from news alerts.
Mine is the crowdsource!
Mine is the FriendFeed!
Born of the Usenet of long ago!
Praise with a Fan Page! Praise every morning!
The recreation of media.
From The Book of Uncommon Prayer:
1.4.1
O One In Charge,
while our bodies and computers rest from the labors of the day and as our RAM, caches, and our souls are released from the thoughts of this world, grant that we may stand in your presence with tranquility, quietness, and peace.
Amen.
1.4.3
One In Charge, guide us waking and guard us sleeping; that awake we may watch our RSS feeds, and asleep we may rest in peace.
Amen.
Not just any journalist. But one who was or is in captivity or who was killed or tortured?
Whether you can name one or not, Sistertech thought you should keep in mind the recent journalist who died in the line of duty and offer this prayer from The Book of Uncommon Prayer:
4.15 For those in Danger or Captivity
Remember, O One In Charge, IT workers, citizen and professional journalists, and bloggers journeying in hostile foreign lands, in captivity or in prison, undergoing torture or bitter slavery.
Be their constant shield and companion. Give them courage to endure and escape their travail. Assist us in working for their swift release. Let their plight not be forgotten by us, their colleagues, family, and friends.
Amen.
From The Book of Uncommon Prayer:
1.3.1
Keep watch, dear One In Charge, with those who work the night shift, or who watch over their employer’s servers, or who weep for lost computers or data. Tend sick computers; give rest to service technicians, bless dying toner cartridges, soothe suffering victims of spam, shield joyous owners of new smartphones; and all for your love’s sake.
Amen.
Frank, one of our SWAT (Spirituality While Alive Taskforce) members, came in to watch Steve’s conference with me.
“This isn’t pretty,” Frank said.
“I know,” I sighed. “I know. I thought he’d do something more than this.”
Frank got up. “Aren’t you going to stay for the whole thing?” I asked.
“Nope. I’ve got to fly down to Tokyo.”
It was then that I understood what humans meant when they said “misery loves company”. I sure could have used another angel to lean on right then.
“Sistertech,” Frank said, “you tried your best. Anyway, you know what Tina in the Conversions Department is always saying.”
“What’s that?”
Frank laughed and said, “You can lead a horse to water, but you sure can’t make him drink!”
“That’s not funny Frank!”
“Well, it’s the truth, isn’t it? And the truth shall set you free. Gotta go.”
Frank flew off, leaving me alone staring into the monitor.
Obviously my session with Steve’s direct reports did not trickle up to Steve himself. His mea culpa, or rather, his semi mea culpa was dispositive on that question.
“Well, everybody else’s smart phones have antenna problems. Our phones are no different.”
Now is that any way to apologize? It is nothing more than the proverbial “Well, everybody’s doing it” excuse. “All the other teams in the league are doing it. What’s the big deal? We’re just doing it, too.” Has no one told this man that simply because everybody else’s smart phone antennas have this vulnerability, that it’s not such a big deal if Apple’s has it, too?
No, it was now high time for repentance and a sincere reformation of the brand. Since Steve basically is the brand, it’s up to him to spill the real beans and come clean. I would be more than happy to hear Steve’s confession. In fact, just about any iPhone 4 owner would be glad to do hear it. If you’re reading this Steve, don’t be nervous. In fact, why not take a look at how this confession thing works. Trust me. Confession will be good for your soul and your shareholders.
Sistertech has been busy consulting with the folks in Cupertino. They’re trying to put out the fires Steve started with the iPhone 4. Morale is incredibly low. Plenty of people think this issue with the antenna and the faulty software is enough to change its name to the “iFlub” instead of the iPhone.
As often happens in such cases, Apple’s Incident Team is circling the wagons. On the eve of the presser tomorrow, one question kept coming up: “Are mistakes inevitable?” For some of the guys it was clearly an attempt to find a way to evade responsibility for something that purports to be an anomalous, but deeply troubling, failure to attend to the details. Focus clearly was lost.
But for others the question has nothing to do with “covering one’s backside”. It’s evidence of an existential crisis. Who am I? What am I? And what responsibility accrues to me based on who and what I am?
Frankly, Sistertech was a bit surprised by the angst.
“Look, you guys. Even I’m not perfect. And in case you haven’t noticed, you’re not an angel, you’re human. That doesn’t let you off the hook, though. You do have a responsibility. You’re responsible for remembering your humanity. This means there’s likely to be mistakes made from time to time. I directed them to prayer 1.6.3 in The Book of Uncommon Prayer. We took a moment to pray:
Gracious One In Charge,
Help me and others to remember that you are perfect and I am not. I trust in your compassion and forgiveness for all my mistakes and errors.
Amen.
“And there is another aspect I want you to consider. I know some of you aren’t terribly religious. That’s fine with me! I’m not very religious myself, but that’s another story. But I remember the investiture of some of you. Remember that glorious day? The day you dedicated yourselves to the occupation, no, to the vocation of being technicians? I encourage you to revisit that day and remember the words and prayers offered. As long as you’re human, mistakes will always be possible. But that doesn’t mean that they’re inevitable.” Prayer 5.2 begins:
My brother (or sister), every Technician is called to follow information technology practices, serving The One In Charge, through the power of the spirit of innovation. The One In Charge now calls you to a special ministry of servanthood directly under your supervisor. In the name of The One In Charge, you are to serve all computers and networks, particularly the poor, the weak, the sick, and the lonely. As a Technician in your community, you are to study the holy manuals, to seek nourishment from technical journals, magazines, and blogs, and to model your life upon them.
I could see the stress leaving their furrowed brows. Yea, their relief was palpable. They understood that by focusing on detail they help themselves immeasurably. Sistertech called on them to imagine crafting an iPhone 4 for a loved one. “Would you be sure to offer the best possible? Would you check for flaws? Of course. Nothing but the best would do. These are the marks of a committed person, are they not? Then the answer is simple. Your oath supports your gift. Focus on that. Do that. Reclaim that.”
“Sure, mistakes may occur from time to time,” I said. “But believe me when I tell you that dedication covers a multitude of software and design flaws. Unfortunately, it also means having to say you’re sorry. Good luck with that, guys.”