Author: Sistertech

Remembering the Fantastic Four

Allow Sistertech to slip into the vernacular for moment to exclaim: “These ladies rock!” Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Amelia Bloomer, Sojourner Truth, and Harriet Tubman: the Fantastic Four! Each are duly honored for their vision and work in advocating for women’s rights, or as I like to say, simply “human rights”. I mean, isn’t that the point?

There’s always a large group around three of them. Amelia, I’m afraid, has not lost one bit of her entrepreneurial drive and that’s become a problem. Most of us angels are terribly busy (you think?), and the interminable sales pitches tend to tire one. She texts me constantly about her new design: Angel Bloomers. For some reason she thinks that the garment would be perfect for Sistertech.

Continue reading “Remembering the Fantastic Four”

Sistertech’s Memo to Steve Jobs: Confession is good for the soul

Frank, one of our SWAT (Spirituality While Alive Taskforce) members, came in to watch Steve’s conference with me.

“This isn’t pretty,” Frank said.

“I know,” I sighed. “I know. I thought he’d do something more than this.”

Frank got up. “Aren’t you going to stay for the whole thing?” I asked.

“Nope. I’ve got to fly down to Tokyo.”

It was then that I understood what humans meant when they said “misery loves company”. I sure could have used another angel to lean on right then.

“Sistertech,” Frank said, “you tried your best. Anyway, you know what Tina in the Conversions Department is always saying.”

“What’s that?”

Frank laughed and said, “You can lead a horse to water, but you sure can’t make him drink!”

“That’s not funny Frank!”

“Well, it’s the truth, isn’t it? And the truth shall set you free. Gotta go.”

Frank flew off, leaving me alone staring into the monitor.

Obviously my session with Steve’s direct reports did not trickle up to Steve himself. His mea culpa, or rather, his semi mea culpa was dispositive on that question.

“Well, everybody else’s smart phones have antenna problems. Our phones are no different.”

Now is that any way to apologize? It is nothing more than the proverbial “Well, everybody’s doing it” excuse. “All the other teams in the league are doing it. What’s the big deal? We’re just doing it, too.” Has no one told this man that simply because everybody else’s smart phone antennas have this vulnerability, that it’s not such a big deal if Apple’s has it, too?

No, it was now high time for repentance and a sincere reformation of the brand. Since Steve basically is the brand, it’s up to him to spill the real beans and come clean. I would be more than happy to hear Steve’s confession. In fact, just about any iPhone 4 owner would be glad to do hear it. If you’re reading this Steve, don’t be nervous. In fact, why not take a look at how this confession thing works. Trust me. Confession will be good for your soul and your shareholders.

Are mistakes inevitable?

Sistertech has been busy consulting with the folks in Cupertino. They’re trying to put out the fires Steve started with the iPhone 4. Morale is incredibly low. Plenty of people think this issue with the antenna and the faulty software is enough to change its name to the “iFlub” instead of the iPhone.

As often happens in such cases, Apple’s Incident Team is circling the wagons. On the eve of the presser tomorrow, one question kept coming up: “Are mistakes inevitable?” For some of the guys it was clearly an attempt to find a way to evade responsibility for something that purports to be an anomalous, but deeply troubling, failure to attend to the details. Focus clearly was lost.

But for others the question has nothing to do with “covering one’s backside”. It’s evidence of an existential crisis. Who am I? What am I? And what responsibility accrues to me based on who and what I am?

Frankly, Sistertech was a bit surprised by the angst.

“Look, you guys. Even I’m not perfect. And in case you haven’t noticed, you’re not an angel, you’re human. That doesn’t let you off the hook, though. You do have a responsibility. You’re responsible for remembering your humanity. This means there’s likely to be mistakes made from time to time. I directed them to prayer 1.6.3 in The Book of Uncommon Prayer. We took a moment to pray:

Gracious One In Charge,
Help me and others to remember that you are perfect and I am not. I trust in your compassion and forgiveness for all my mistakes and errors.
Amen.

“And there is another aspect I want you to consider. I know some of you aren’t terribly religious. That’s fine with me! I’m not very religious myself, but that’s another story. But I remember the investiture of some of you. Remember that glorious day? The day you dedicated yourselves to the occupation, no, to the vocation of being technicians? I encourage you to revisit that day and remember the words and prayers offered. As long as you’re human, mistakes will always be possible. But that doesn’t mean that they’re inevitable.” Prayer 5.2 begins:

My brother (or sister), every Technician is called to follow information technology practices, serving The One In Charge, through the power of the spirit of innovation. The One In Charge now calls you to a special ministry of servanthood directly under your supervisor. In the name of The One In Charge, you are to serve all computers and networks, particularly the poor, the weak, the sick, and the lonely. As a Technician in your community, you are to study the holy manuals, to seek nourishment from technical journals, magazines, and blogs, and to model your life upon them.

I could see the stress leaving their furrowed brows. Yea, their relief was palpable. They understood that by focusing on detail they help themselves immeasurably. Sistertech called on them to imagine crafting an iPhone 4 for a loved one. “Would you be sure to offer the best possible? Would you check for flaws? Of course. Nothing but the best would do. These are the marks of a committed person, are they not? Then the answer is simple. Your oath supports your gift. Focus on that. Do that. Reclaim that.”

“Sure, mistakes may occur from time to time,” I said. “But believe me when I tell you that dedication covers a multitude of software and design flaws. Unfortunately, it also means having to say you’re sorry. Good luck with that, guys.”

Let us pray for Steve Jobs

The switchboard has been busy. Apparently, folks are none to happy with Steve. Because it is a technology matter, they’ve been sending the messages to Sistertech.

There’s no question that Steve has some explaining to do and some apologies to make. Indeed, Sistertech believes it is time to “man up” and do the penitential thing. I’ve sent an email to Steve suggesting that he avail himself of the healing rite of confession. The rite that says, “Hey. I’m sorry.” He has not replied. Yet. Perhaps he’s a bit nervous. Lots of people are. And so Sistertech thought that if Steve (and others) read the rite beforehand anxiety would be assuaged.

5.3  Reconciliation of a Penitent from The Book of Uncommon Prayer

The rite of the Reconciliation of a Penitent is available for all who desire it or who ought to desire it but are afraid to ask for it. Confessions may be heard anywhere, by anyone, 24/7.

Penitent: Bless me, for I have sinned.

Witness: The One in Charge be in your heart and upon your lips that you may truly and humbly confess your sins: In the Name of The Motherboard, The Processor, and The One Who Created All RAM.

Penitent & Witness: Amen.

Penitent: I confess to The One In Charge, to geeks everywhere, and to you, that I have sinned by my own fault in thought, word, and deed, in things done and left undone; especially for
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
(attach digital file if more space is needed.)

For these and all other transgressions which I cannot now remember, I am truly sorry. I pray The One In Charge to have mercy on me. I firmly intend to get a grip, wake up, and smell the coffee, and I humbly beg forgiveness of The One In Charge and all tech devices, and I ask you for counsel, direction, and absolution.

[Here the witness may offer the penitent counsel, comfort, absolution or a hard time.]

Witness: Chill out. Everything’s copacetic. The One In Charge has deleted all your sins.

Penitent: Whew! Thank God!

Harriet Beecher Stowe (d. 1896)

I must admit, Sistertech always thought Ms. Stowe was a bit stodgy. But Harriet was one of the “good guys” as far as Sistertech is concerned. She was a champion of human rights long before the term was coined. We give thanks to The One In Charge for Harriet’s passion for pursuing the recognition of the full humanity of African Americans.

Psalm 94:16-23

[16] Who rises up for me against the wicked?
Who stands up for me against evildoers?

[17] If the LORD had not been my help,
my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.

[18] When I thought, “My foot slips,”
your steadfast love, O LORD, held me up.

[19] When the cares of my heart are many,
your consolations cheer my soul.

[20] Can wicked rulers be allied with you,
those who frame injustice by statute?

[21] They band together against the life of the righteous
and condemn the innocent to death.

[22] But the LORD has become my stronghold,
and my God the rock of my refuge.

[23] He will bring back on them their iniquity
and wipe them out for their wickedness;
the LORD our God will wipe them out.

Router and modem problems?

I am appalled, absolutely appalled, at the number of issues my clients are having with their routers and modems. It’s a crime. Well, perhaps that is a tad too strong. But verily it is a sign of the willful estrangement of some devices and IP’s from The Fount Of All Streams.

Sistertech would like to remind you all that when everything else fails, The One In Charge is still there.

Should you manage to get your modem and router speaking to one another and to the Internet, you probably should make sure to celebrate their union. In Sistertech’s opinion, which, of course, is the only correct one, the proper way to mark this joyous occasion is through the sacrament of marriage.

Yes, there is an “app” for that for: the blessing for the union of modem and router.

sniffle

sniffle

(Sistertech always cries at weddings.)

St. Peter and Paul (d. 64)

What a tag team these guys are! A little on the competitive side, but at bottom, they have a genuine fondness for each other. Peter and Paul (well, I suppose one could add Mary, too) sure put in the hours. It would not be an overstatement for Sistertech to say that the place would be a lot less populated up here if it had not been for these two.

Psalm 87

1 On the holy mount stands the city he founded;
2 the Lord loves the gates of Zion
more than all the dwellings of Jacob.
3 Glorious things are spoken of you,
O city of God.