Category: Viruses

Top 3 defenses against viruses

Our prayer switchboard has been busier than Sistertech can remember. (Well, there was the Y2K hysteria, but that’s a whole other matter.)

There are some nasty viruses out there, folks. Sistertech wants to remind you that you are never alone. Never. In addition to The One In Charge, there are some of the saints whose job is to protect you and your tech equipment from harm. Keep these prayers handy.

1. For Protection from Worms, Viruses and Other Plagues

Let your continual mercy, O One In Charge, cleanse and defend your servants’ computers. Protect and govern these computers by your goodness because they cannot continue in safety without your help.
Amen.

2. St. Michael the Archangel
St. Michael, Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of hackers. Ask The One In Charge to rebuke them, we humbly pray; And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly ISP, by the power of The One In Charge, thrust into hell _____ (state name of the operating system you despise) and all daemons who prowl about cyberspace seeking the ruin of computer users.
Amen.

3. The Lord’s Prayer

When you surf the Internet do not heap up browser windows as some users do, who think they will access more websites because of their many screens. Do not be like them, for The One In Charge knows what you need before you click a link.

Surf the ‘Net this way:
Our portal in cyberspace,
hallowed be thy domain.
Your will be done,
on my desktop as it is on your server.

Give us this day our daily bandwidth.
And forgive us our neighbor netting
as we forgive those who steal wireless from us.
And do not bring us to the time of ctl-alt-del,
but rescue us from malicious viruses and worms.
For thine is the kernel, the processor,
and the gigaPOP forever.
Amen.

Prayer to Saint Michael

Saint Michael, Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness
and snares of the Hackers.
May The One In Charge rebuke them, we humbly pray;
And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host,
by the power of The One In Charge,
thrust into hell N. [state name of the operating system you despise]
and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of computer users.

Amen.

— an excerpt from Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer

Fending off viruses

Just got off the phone with panicked client. Seems slew of dastardly viruses have infected his hard drive. He’s in pretty bad shape. So is his laptop. Not much Sistertech could do by phone but offer what little reassurance I could. My advice to others? There are two key lines of defense.

First, take a deep breath. Lay your hands on the computer and say this prayer.

Prayers for protection of a computer

Visit this computer, O One In Charge, and drive far from it all the snares of the enemy; let your holy angels dwell with it to preserve it in peace; and let your blessing be upon it always.

Amen.

Second, get yourself good virus protection. Pay for it if you have to. Install it. Activate it. Keep it on. Use it early. Update it often.

I’m just sayin’…

Oh no. Another call.

Pat Robertson and Haiti

Sistertech draws upon remarks made by the Rev. Pat Robertson (founder of the Christian Broadcasting Network) from the ABC’s Good Morning America website:

Enter the Rev. Pat Robertson, who always seems to have a ready answer for the unanswerable.

“You know … something happened a long time ago in Haiti. … They got together and swore a pact to the Devil,” Robertson said on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s “700 Club” Wednesday.

“They said, ‘We will serve you if you get us free from the French.’ True story.” That’s right: Robertson seems to suggest the Haitians brought the earthquake on themselves, in a deal with Satan.

“And so, the Devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’ And they kicked the French out,” he went on. “You know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after another.”

Sistertech knows that Robertson’s views are based in centuries of theological teaching. The history of this kind of theology is indisputable. This doesn’t mean, however, that it was ever sound or that we should continue to accept it now that it is clear that it is unsound. Sistertech thinks back to E. B. Tyler’s  “doctrine of survivals”: we do still say “Gesundheit” or “God bless you” when someone sneezes. Why? Why still bring The One In Charge in to the mix? Because of this leftover superstition that evil spirits or worse were attacking or involved with the poor soul who was sneezing. There’s a survival of these superstitious views that are so lodged into society that various remnants of these behaviors persist.

Sistertech also knows that Robertson has never meant any harm to come to the Haitian people. It’s just that they’ve been cursed, that’s all, he says. It’s not as though Robertson is putting a curse on them or asking The One In Charge to harm them in some way. Quite the opposite. I’m sure The Inbox records show Robertson has sent many, many prayers for Haiti. I have an inkling that he’s probably done more for the people of Haiti than have the people excoriating him over his comments about Haiti.

The interesting thing, nay, the creepy thing, about his remarks is that I can’t help but recall clients who were sure their computers were “cursed”. I know that there are bad and evil people in the world. Some of them are hackers who spread damaging viruses all around the world. I don’t know whether lives have been lost because of a malicious worm–and who wouldn’t call one of those dastardly things a curse?–that some person without a sliver of goodwill in his or her heart inflicted upon the rest of the world. But our peace of mind suffered. Huge amounts of time was lost never to be regained. Businesses, families, and individuals have lost money.

Are certain software products cursed? Are all products by a certain computer maker cursed? I don’t think so.  On the other hand, in Sistertech’s ministry we deal with the all too predictable consequences that happen sometimes when, you know, certain programs are used. I’m just sayin’…