Category: Letters to Sistertech

Dear Sistertech:

My wife is in lust! And she can’t get it under control. We live in Las Vegas — and it’s not that kind of lust she’s having problems with. She’s lusting after a new iPad. She was going to downsize and get a netbook, but she says the latest iPad had her at “On”. The problem is it’s going to take a some time to scrape together the money. All she thinks about is the iPad. She basically ignores me and our two sons. They’re worried about their Mom. I am, too.

Can you help us?
Lusting in Las Vegas

Dear Lusting,

Affairs of the heart between humans and their tech devices often do impact the relationships humans have with other humans. Sistertech recommends you both take some time to reflect upon two prayers from The Book of Uncommon Prayer. The first is prayer 6.9, For a Tech Convention or Meeting. Here’s the relevant part:

Teach us in all things to seek first your honor and glory.
Guide us to perceive what is right,
and grant us both the courage to pursue it
and the grace to accomplish it.

We’ve found that lust is rather closely related to fear. For some reason, known only to The One In Charge, sometimes humans are fearful due to insecurities about themselves or about what others will think of them. Thus, humans often find it difficult to be happy with who they are or with what they have. They went over this in our initial SWAT training sessions. At the time Sistertech found it dreadfully confusing. But Paulie assured us there was a documented link between fear and lust. I started to raise my wing to ask another question about this — Paulie seemed to know an awful lot about lust! — but by that time he’d gotten to the next human frailty. At any rate, experience has shown the wisdom in Paulie’s lecture.

The second prayer may help you and your wife address her fears. Prayer 1.1.8 is one of the daily prayers for morning. I suggest adapting it a bit in your case.

O One In Charge,
source of all good desires, all right judgments, and all just works:
Give to us that peace which the world cannot give,
so that our minds may be fixed on what we are supposed to be doing,
and that we, being delivered from the fear of our supervisors,
may live in peace and quietness.
Amen.

As I said, one could easily adapt the prayer along these lines:

Give to us that peace which the world cannot give,
so that our minds may be fixed on the things we already have,
especially those daily blessings so freely given to us through your love,
and that we, being delivered from our fears and insecurities,
may live in peace and quietness.
Amen.

We hope these two prayers will help you and your wife.

Yours in faithful obedience to The One In Charge,
Sistertech

PS: Please let us know which iPad you get! In fact, how about one for each member of the family?

Dear Sistertech,

I was minding my own business, listening to Psalm 119 on my iPod, and I hear this:

Oh, how I love your law!
It is my meditation all day long.

So far, so good. And a little later:

I have more understanding than all my teachers,
for your decrees are my meditation.

And then this:

I do not turn away from your ordinances,
for you have taught me.

I love the laws of The One In Charge, but in my job I’m bending the rules all the time. And that stuff about “one upping” your teachers made me nervous.  I’ve been a programmer about 9 years. Sure, I know a lot of things. But there are other guys here with way more experience. I thought listening to the Psalms on my way to work would be a good idea. Now I’m not so sure.

Thanks for your help,
Puzzled in Palo Alto

Dear Puzzled,

You are not alone. There is one thing users of Dave’s songbook have to realize: He has a rather unnerving ability to write whatever is occupying his mind and weighing on his heart at any given moment. This means reading of any Psalm can be a real roller coaster ride, let alone reading a few back to back.

That being said, here are three quick ways to deal with puzzling Psalms.

1. Put yourself in your old shoes

You name it, Dave’s experienced it. Well, nearly everything. You come to a verse or an entire Psalm that speaks to a time when things were not going so well for Dave. Dave says that when he goes through some songs he often comes face to face with the “old Dave”. Rather than have it bring back bad memories, he uses it as an opportunity for thanks. You can, too. Let’s say things are going really well in your life now. Thank The One In Charge for bringing you through the rough times and for the successful transformation of the “old you” to the new and momentarily, at least, improved you. On the flip side, when things are not going particularly well, practice taking encouragement from Dave’s triumphs. Doing so could give you that little boost of confidence and faith you need to face a particularly grueling day of pounding code.

2. Put yourself is someone else’s shoes

Although Dave variously comes across as besieged, whiny, friendless, arrogant, or a self-centered jerk at times, learning about Dave’s struggles can help you become more compassionate. Find someone who could use a little bit of compassion. If you can’t find a likely candidate, look in the mirror. On a personal note, Sistertech has learned a great deal from the Psalms about human nature, especially working with difficult personalities. So rather than being turned off by a Psalm, let it remind you to practice looking at things from someone else’s perspective. Besides, the practice will come in handy when you are designing software.

3. Go window shopping for some new shoes

Dave says he thinks about how things would have gone with Goliath had he been wearing snowshoes instead of sandals. Frankly, I never can tell when the guy is pulling my wings or not. But I think I understand what he means. Imagine having a different skill set — or pair of shoes — for the situation you are in. Follow up on the hints Dave scatters throughout his songs. Imagine having more knowledge than your teachers. Get specific. What type of knowledge would that be? How would you acquire it? What would it be like to meditate — really meditate — on The Document?  Now go ahead. Try out those new shoes. They might actually fit.

Yours faithfully,
Sistertech

Dear Sistertech:

I did something new for my vacation this year. I attended a women’s retreat sponsored by my church. It was such a great experience! The group study of The Document, prayer, the time to write in my journal, sip tea, and think about my relationship with The One In Charge! It was so renewing! Now I’m back at work sitting in front of my computer all day. I enjoyed my job before, but now I feel what I’m doing isn’t important in the grand scheme of things. When I’m working on a PowerPoint presentation I feel I should be praying instead. Then when I start to think about The One In Charge I feel guilty that I’m not putting that time and energy into getting my Inbox to zero. What can I do to stop feeling so conflicted?

Sincerely,
Torn in Toledo

Dear Torn,

The key is to integrate your spirituality into your work, not separate them one from the other. How to do this? Use The Book of Uncommon Prayer! It will help you remember that The One In Charge is with you always. Keep a copy next to you. Have one there when you wake up and when you go to sleep, when you boot up your computer at work and when you take a break for lunch. And when you feel that pull towards prayer, pray about that which is in front of you whether it is the car ahead of you, the email you are reading, the cashier at the cafe, or the background template you are choosing for the presentation. You will soon discover there is a seamless spiritual connection that exists between work and prayer. It is all about not making separations between them.

Sistertech and the other team members of the Spirituality While Alive Taskforce (SWAT) are always here to help. Email Tom the Intern if we can provide you with a new prayer for a specific situation.

Yours faithfully,
Sistertech

Dear Sistertech:

You probably don’t get a lot of letters like this from men. I hope you can help me.

Seven years ago I married the most wonderful woman. She’s kind, generous, sexy and smart. We have two fantastic kids (a boy aged 3 and a girl who just turned 6) and the typical assortment of pets. We both work outside the home. Our friends envy us because we’ve managed to balance the demands of career and family better than any of them. The problem is that we have a mixed marriage. Sure, I knew this was an issue, or could become an issue down the road. But when conflicts happened we always found a way to handle them. It’s just that now the arguments are a daily, constant thing. Weekends are nightmares. That’s when our different traditions clash.

She’s tired of my telling her how much better things would be if she joined my tradition. She cannot comprehend my devotion. A few times she screamed at me that I act as though I’m in a cult! Frankly, I have a hard time not looking down on her for her continued participation in something I often think is not only archaic, but just plain sinister. She says her tradition has changed and that it isn’t what it once was. We get into terrible yelling matches.

Now that the kids are getting a bit older the arguments have intensified. Which tradition should we introduce them to? Both? None? Only one? A week on and a week off? We’ve each spoken to people in our respective communities, but so far none of them has offered any helpful solutions.

I’m on the sofa writing this to you on my laptop. My wife is sitting a few inches from me working on her laptop, but we might as well be on different continents.  We loved and still love each other. I hate to think that the next step for us is to end our mixed marriage. What should we do?

Thanks in advance,
Muddled in Muncie

PS: If this matters in your response: I’m the MAC and she’s the PC.

Dear Muddled,

Sistertech is so very glad you wrote to her. You’ve brought to our readers a very serious problem. Few things are worse than when unequally yoked, especially couples and their operating programs. It’s time for a third party intervention. The solution is for you both to switch to Linux. The children, too. Sistertech would also recommend spending some time as a family reading prayers from The Book of Uncommon Prayer, for instance, prayers 3.8 and 4.9. Also read passages from The Document. I’d start with The Beatitudes (Matthew 5), then Matthew 7 and John 1. As always, Sistertech recommends adapting the prayers and passages from The Document as befits your particular situation. If you need a customized prayer, email your request to Tom the Intern.

May your conversions be swift and free from error,
Sistertech