Author: Sistertech

What would St. Francis pray if he worked in your office?

The Technology Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is a flame war, let me sow love,
Where there is injury to a file, pardon,
Where there is doubt as to system compatibility, faith,
Where there is despair of disk recovery, hope,
Where there is darkness of the blue screen of death, the booting light of a splash screen,
Where there is sadness of software no longer being supported, joy of discovering open source software.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be be consoled with a new workstation as to console others,
not so much to be understood when I’ve lost the critical project files, as to understand when others lose the documents I need because they failed to back them up,
not so much to be loved for allowing everyone access to the fastest 600 DPI printer in the office, as to love the 150 DPI documents others give me to sign as legal documents;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in sending dying computers to be recycled that we awaken to the reality of eternal life.

Amen.

— an excerpt for Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer

Sneak peek at The Book of Uncommon Prayer

Until the release date of March 1, Sistertech will be offering a daily glimpse into her book, The Book of Uncommon Prayer. I was worried at first because there are a few books out already with titles quite similar to mine. My book, of course, is truly edifying. The others? Well, I would rather not say.

Gabriel was concerned about market saturation and marketing in general. When he suggested I consider offering a money back guarantee I was quite taken aback. Sistertech does not need to coerce those she serves into allowing her to improve their lives! Whoever heard of such a thing?

But Gabriel means well. Moreover, he probably has a point. When he does Voice Overs or Press Releases for The One In Charge, there’s never any need for gimmicks such as rebate offers or “But wait! There’s more!” nonsense. Even Sistertech acknowledges that she has not Gabriel’s skill for communicating with those lower than herself.

When Gabriel speaks, people listen. And no one can recall any person not taking what he said seriously. What with that James Earl Jones-y, sonorous voice, and the great scripts he’s given, there’s a 100% conversion rate when goes out on a cold calls.

I can’t compete with that.

No. The best I can do is simply let the wisdom contained in The Book of Uncommon Prayer speak to those who have ears to hear. To that end I shall post more prayers for you to read and shall send out these precious Tweets until the book’s release.

Confident in your good taste,

I remain,

very sincerely yours,

Sistertech

Psalm of the Day

A familiar Psalm today, Ps. 46:1-3

1God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change,
though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea;
3though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble with its tumult.

Sistertech enjoys learning things. It’s a key characteristic of those in our profession: technology is always changing and one must learn or be left in the dust. Well, I learned about a group of chaplains who are remembered this day: the Dorchester Chaplains. That bit above about the roaring, foaming waters will fit perfectly with those we remember today. Continue reading “Psalm of the Day”

Book release March 1! Sistertech’s Book of Uncommon Prayer

The Editor wants a few gentle tweaks here and there. Not that Sistertech thought the tome would require anything near the proofreading that was done on The Document. The all-nighter’s we had around here were not to be believed! It’s truly a miracle that any of us made it through it.

I’m taking the bold move of self-publishing. You see The Publishing Department is very busy now with an authorized re-release of The Document. You’d have thought The Document would be “dabble proof”, but apparently not. Every month or so there’s yet another authorized re-release of The Document. (There’s no telling how many unauthorized versions there are.)  Sistertech is fine with the version she has had for the past several hundred years, thank you. I  have no plans to switch “brands” at this late date. Do you suffer the same shock to your system when reading those so-called “new and improved” versions of the beloved Psalm 23?  “Mangled” is too kind a term. Every shred of poetry is wrenched from its verses.

There will not be this problem with Sistertech’s The Book of Uncommon Prayer. Sistertech’s magnum opus, I mean, manuscript, is a modest 200 or so pages. It is full of the most heartfelt, time honored prayers and passages from The Document. The guidance, inspiration, and comfort therein were especially written with the contemporary computer user in mind.  Who could find any reason to lay a revisionary hand upon it?

The release date is March 1. There was some concern about having the release during Lent. Once I assured The Legal Department that there was a fair amount of penitential material, they signed off on it.

Legal. Now they’re a quite a bunch! So many people are afraid of a summons from The Legal Department. Phooey! Sistertech has got them wrapped around her smallest pinion! Why they’re still going in circles over various alleged breaches made they think were made by our Creative Commons franchisees. They’d rather not see me waltzing through their doors. I told them in the beginning that it was a lost cause and that they should drop the matter entirely. It’s been years and they still have not rendered a decision about which of the “Some Rights Reserved” are actually reserved.

I’m planning a special surprise before the official release. Stay tuned!

Muzzle it, please!

Will no one rid me of this troublesome client?

I show up, precisely at 7:15 am, as promised. Yes, it is certainly earlier than most of my first calls of the day. But seeing as though this client had begged, yea, implored Tech Support for someone with extensive knowledge of blade servers, I relented and agreed to show up at that un-divinity like hour.

Continue reading “Muzzle it, please!”

Saint Brigid – Psalm of the Day

Ah, St. Brigid! She is quite a gal. We cannot tell you how generous she is. She’s quick witted and often slips folks a wee bit of the you know what to sip from time to time. Here is an open secret: Brigid is Sistertech’s special role model because of her generosity and service to others.

1I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart;
before the gods I sing your praise;
2I bow down towards your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness;
for you have exalted your name and your word
above everything.
3On the day I called, you answered me,
you increased my strength of soul.

Everliving God, we rejoice today in the fellowship of your blessed servant Brigid, and we give you thanks for her life of devoted service. Inspire us with life and light, and give us perseverance to serve you all our days; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, world without end.

Here’s a lovely children’s book on Brigid: Brigid’s Cloak: An Ancient Irish Story

A little bit lower indeed

Although it’s not a competition, some of us get a little touchy about these ranking Psalms. That’s what we call them. It’s the old “who is closer to Whom” thing. Now I like humans as much as the next angel, but when we have to read this Psalm, well, it’s like putting salt between our feathers: it’s uncomfortable.

That’s why Psalm 8 is not one of Sistertech’s favorites. I know that sounds blasphemous. You’ll see what I mean. Everything is fine until verse 5.

3When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars that you have established;
4what are human beings that you are mindful of them,
mortals that you care for them?

5Yet you have made them a little lower than God,
and crowned them with glory and honour.

Another bad idea

Chuck over in C&S, that’s the Comfort and Solace Department, just left. He’s fairly shaken. In our ministry we often have to deliver bad news to our clients. I had to stamp a big #FAIL on the draft of Chuck’s new manual. Good thing. He was going to take it upstairs for a final review. The guy wanted to use the Psalms as a basis for his new anger management manual.

#FAIL. #FAIL. #FAIL.

Continue reading “Another bad idea”